jO bekke at HUgwRts: A Commentary
by WickedWickedMe
Summary: Warning: This is guaranteed to broil your eyes. Extreme use of sarcasm inserted. Proceed at your own risk.
1. Chapter 1

AN Dis iiz mi stury.** Well, gee isn't that great?** MI friend edited it 4 me. You're the best, Darry! **(shudders… Darry doesn't know how to spell or write. Or maybe he's like, I don't know, a troll?)**BOOK 1: JO BELLE POTTER AND THE SORCERURS STON **(You spelt your name correctly! Achievement unlocked!)**

Chapter 1: Dumbledore

Mi nam is Jo bele Susie lilee Puttr. **(I am Wicked and I can spell my name properly, unlike Jo bele Susie lilee Puttr)**

I waz drupped uff at mi uncl and ants hose. **(I assume your uncle keeps pet ants. And the person who dropped you off must have been driven crazy by you.)** wen I waz 3 da dark lurd volddenut killd mi parents.**(GASP! Why didn't he kill you as well! Wait, I know, because you stunned him with your incredible Mary Sue-ness. Voldermort just crawled away and burned to ashes.)** I used to hav a bruthr but he livs in engglnd **(Eggland? Your used-to-be-brother lives in Eggland? That is so cool! Free eggs!)**

. Now mi ant in uncl in sutth carulia razed me. **(They razed you? They just did everyone on this archive a favour.)**Dey r abusive. Dey rap and hurt me. **(WOW! They rap? Come on everybody rap along! Jo bel ain't cool, she sucks, that duck…)**

I hav durty blond hair, that hangs down to mi feet. **(Jo bele, Jo bele, let down your hair so I can yank your fake blonde extensions out)**i hav dimond blu ies dat sparkl.**(Im pretty sure you know how to spell too.)** Sometimes my eis are green or yellow. **(Yep. I've always been sure you were possessed. This just confirms my suspicions.)**OI am super hot!111111111 **(I don't think.)**

1 dae I waz wlkin doewn da street nd I cm hom der was a ledder on da doorstep.**(How the heck can there be a ladder on the doorstep? Won't you trip over it or something/ On a side note, I wish you did.)** I gspd!**(GASP you are capable of human thoughts!)**11111111111111 it sad hugwurts skill od wickraaf nd wizrdy. I tried to get it butt sdunely… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … .. .. ..** (Dramatic much?)**

A knif came me!111111111111111 **(DID YOU DIE? PLEASE SAY YOU **_**DID**_**)**Im fast thouh, so I caut it nd thru it bak at mi dum uncl. **(A pity, a real pity…)**

it hit him in da crocht and he did. den antie Beatrice cam up. "U klld mi usbnd u freek!111111111111111" **(Beatrice means bringer of joy. Anyone who says that to you is definitely a bringer of joy.)**

Hes nut ded.' I told hur. Den I wavd mi hnd n he cam bak to lif! **(Even Dumbledore needs a wand to do that!)**"Jpo bel!"**(Oh, so now you're Jpo bel?)** he screemd Mi ant thru me acruss the rume.\ I hit da wull nd nearly pasd out! **(I wish you did.)**

"wuts dat letr u hav,' jo bel?" ant betric askd**(It's from the archive readers requesting for you to commit suicide.)**

"NOOO" Uncl sd.

"I hut wed stuppd it!" ant betrik sad. **(Sad.)**

"den unl grvaed be nd thruuu me acrss da rume. DEN DA DUR FLU OPEN!111111111.. ….. .. .. . . .. . **(What is your problem with those ellipses?)**

An old man was der. He had a long blak beerd. He spok in an awsum suthurn bretesh axnt. "I am Pruffsr ALbis Peeter Quintin alexndr Dumbldur!111111111" he crid. **(I am WickedWickedMe! I can spell properly and my goal in life is to yank out mary-Sues extensions.)**

A flash uv litenin was seen oteside da durr. It lukeed lik mi scar. I hav a scar ov a litenn bult on mi 4hd. **(Does the scar say 'Mary Sue?')**

Dumbldur sd. "Cum w/ me jo bel I hav ur bruthur."!1**(WOW! Wait I thought your brother lived in Eggland? )**2 B CNTUUD! **(Spare me, please.)**

A/N: Hey everyone! I decided that this commentary would be given the honour of being my first Harry Potter fic. There can never be enough parodies of trolls around here, and this is but the first step of eliminating trolls/Mary-Sues.

~Love, Wicked.


	2. You can't flame properly, Jo

A?n This da second chappy, I hop u lik it!11**(I doubt it)** Thanks to Darrel for da ediding!**(Yep, Darry's always the best, ain't he?)** Ur da best. **(I really, really, doubt it.)**

Chapter 2: Harre Putter **(HARRY POTTER. H-A-R-R-Y P-O-T-T-E-R get the name right you moron. Or should I say, Mary-Sue.)**

Dumdumfore **(You mean Professor Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore.)** tuk mi 2 Englend.**(I thought he lived in Eggland?)** It waz relly cull.**(Hmmm, yeah I think so too.)** I saw a olot ov peple there.**(GASP! Can it be true?)** Wen one of those stinky Nurthurnurs cam up, I killed thm. **(Why don't you just go kill yourself? We would all love that.)**NOrthernurs ar so stupid. **(Speak for youeself, Mary-Sue.)**Den Dumumdor tok me to ribet Driv.** (Frogs say 'ribbet.' So I assume Dumbledore took you to Frog Drive. Must'a been cool!)** We knoked up the door. A fat gay boy ansered the dur. /hoo r u" he aksed.**(Dudley's gay? Mehh, don't think so. Must be Uncle Vernon. Uncle vernon's gay? Mehh, I don't think so either. Or Dudley's the product of a…EWWW!)**

"don talk to me GAYY."**(Gee, that's the way I would talk to Darry! Or is it Darrel? I am now questioning my loyalty. **_**I am so confused!**_** )** "Dadddyy, he said, running away and crying.**(So is he Darry or Darrel? I am now questioning my loyalty. **_**I am so confused!)**_

Then a 11 yeer old boy cam up. "Who r u.' he asked **(Who could it **_**possibly**_** be?)**

:Im prufesxsr dumfumdoor** (You mean Professor Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore.)**, and dis iz y=r sister." **(I now pity him so much…)**

"I;m jo bell,' I told him; **(I feel like using a bell to whomp you on the head. Hard.)**

"im… … … … … … … … … … … … … …. … … … … … … … … … … Harre POTTER! **(Class, today we will learn how to spell "Harry Potter", the Boy who Lived! H-A-R-R-Y P-O-T-T-E-R.)**

Bcuntined **(NOOOOOOOOO!)**

**A/N: Hey all! I saw that this person claiming to be 'real jo bel' reviewing and asking me to "stup it rite nowe." Here's something for you. **

**First, I am honoured and pleasantly surprised that you would grace my humble story with your great presence. **

**Secondly, no, I will most definitely not stop it. You deserve everything given to you. **

**Thirdly, you are a horrible, racist-against-Northerners, prejudiced-against-homosexuals, really ugly, full-of-yourself, deluded, insane, fat (my fave insult ), wild-haired, cross-eyed, possessed, i-don't-know-dumbledore's-full-name-ish, I-am-not-educated-at-all, dumb, has-a-mind-of-a-five-month-old-cactus-ish, bitch. Yes you are. **

**This is wicked signing off.**

**~ Love, Wicked. **

**P.S: Jo bel? You can't even flame someone properly. Just adding to the list of insults. **


	3. I am still questioning my loyalty

Real A/N: The words in bold, are Jo bell's. The normal one's are mine. Read this and laugh at how she makes idiots look like professor Dumbledore.

**A/N Daryll ur da bes **(Now it's Daryll? GASP! I am now questioning my loyalty. _I am so_ _confused_!) **Thanks 4 edidin. **(Not so much.)**CHaptre 3: The trpi 2 Digon Alee.** (You spelt "the" correctly! Clap for her everybody!)"**Im HAree Potter," **(It's Harry. But you spelt 'potter' correctly! Now there are three P's. Purpose, Process and Product. Your purpose is to make us all blind, your process is *shudders* and your product sucks.)**HE SAID. **(You mean "Jo the Mary-Sue said.")

'**NO WAE,"** (Yep. Harry's too awesome to be related to someone like you.)** i sed. "im ur sister."**

"**cull he sed,"**(Um, does this have anything to do with Edward Cullen?)** Then I noticd somthin. "Y do u hav a Suthern axent wen your from Enhglend?" **(Work on learning how to spell "England.")

"**Cuz Im frum Suthern Englend lol." **(lol.)

"**LOl'" **(Showing signs of insanity, I see.)

"**Don't u hat northurnurs?" he sad. **(FUN FACT: England's in the north.)

"**I knoe rite/" **(You hateful, prejudiced Mary-Sue.)

**Dumduldur **(It's professor Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore.)** agreed. "now its tim to go 2 Digon Allee."** (Where the heck is that place?)

"**But wat aout mi cousins?" **"**Dey're stupid Northernors so it don't matter." **(You hateful, mad, insane, prejudiced biatch.)

"**Good, I jus hat them : **(I hate Jo Bel. Everybody does.)

"**Now, Jo bekke **(I thought you were Jo Bel. Now you're Jo Bekke? I am now questioning my loyalty. I am so confused.)**Will do the majic.**(That's, like, illegal. I wouldn't trust you to do magic even if you were of age, which you are not.)** Now, telepotr us to Diafon Ally!" **(Again, where the heck is that place?)

**I said the incantation. **(PEOPLE SHE SPELT"INCANTATION" RIGHT!)**Suddnly we were in Digon Alley! **(GASP! IT'S MAGIC!)

**2 BE CONTINUED!11111111111111111 **(Somebody save me.)

**A/N: Nothing much to say, except that I hate Jo Bekke/Jo bel so I am signing off. By the way is it Jo Bekke or Jo Bel? I am now questioning my loyalty. I am so confused!**


	4. Jo Belle, get out of my life

A/N: Hey everyone, this is Wicked. I do not own HP. Those in bold are Jo Belle's, the one's in normal font are mine.

**aN: So, tanks to Daryl 4 fixin da gramer** **. **What grammar? Now it's Daryl?**Ur da best! **I don't think.**Flamrs: GO 2 HELL!** See you there. Have fun in the fields of punishment, beeyatch.

**Chapter $** OOOOOOOH MONEHHHH!**DIgon Aley purt 1 **Oh damn it, there are 2 parts!

**Profesur dumbledum tuk us to a stor calld Grignots**A store. Real smart Jo. **Yo can get free** **monee ther****? ** You would know, you get money off the GOVERNMENT.. **Wee go in****. **I'm not gonna even bother.**A gremlin cums up to us. "oH U mus b jO bEkk potter. Weve been watein 4 u. o nd hllo hare **Jo's the Mary-Sue, not Harry! Why does he notice Jo first and Harry later, by the way, that's not how to spell "Harry."

**Dumbldum **Dumbleldum? Oh, Dumbledore. I get it. Gee, I must be getting dumber.**commntd on his status, "luk her gremlin, jus tak us to der vault, and** **NOT de enegy drink, ok, do, you, get, that mistr 'helo jO beKL?"**What the hell? Touchy… Someone's addicted to Facebook.**The gremln srummk in feer. "Yes, jus dnt hrt me."**What shit is this?

**/I wnt hrt u, but jO beKKE might!**MUMMY IM SCARED!**The gremlin sed, "letz\s go 2 ur valt."**

**We got in da sports car****and druve into da valt. "Bi da wae mi nam iz golum," da gremlin sed. **Feeling a little Lord of the Ringish, are we?

**GoLUm tuk us doewn into da valt. "Is this da valt," I aksd. "Yeperoo,' golumn saeid.****'Iz this da valt,l" haree askd/**You already asked this idiot.

**"Yes."** No mistakes, surprisingly.

**Dmbldurm tuk jo bELe and haree into the lair. DER WAS A DRAGON DER!111111**DRAMATIC MUCH? JO, I HOPE YOU DIE

**2 B CUNTOUED**Oh, please no.

A/N: Jo Belle, do you need a license to be this stupid?


End file.
